Hilarity Clorox and the Order of the Hentai
by hilarity clorox
Summary: Dumbledore, God's Curse, and Modern Day Aaron Burr unite to fight evil in all forms. Feat. Ted Cruz, Wall Street, Hentai, and Forbidden Love.
1. Tru(mp) Love

"whAT hTE fucc" said Hillary Clinton. She was on a call with her head campaign manager when she passed the TV in the centre of her living room. She had to fall back unto her (expensive af bc shes rich duh) sofa in shock of hearing the news. Donald Trump was going for the Republican nomination? "LMAO, thats 2 funni 4 me," she thought. But she was not laughing. Hillary was a little pissed. U see, Donald Trump pissed her off a lot but she kinda liked the way he was a consistent asshole. You could really rely on Donald to be an asshole. He had a predictably outrageous personality. What an asshole. An asshole Hillary admired. Hillary knew she was not like Trump. She was very inconsistent. Was she even a democrat? She didn't know. Hillary looked down at her (one of a kind, silk, expensive af) navy blue paintsuit to reassure herself. Yes, she was a democrat. She was wearing blue. Democrats wore blue. Hillary was calmed by her own reassurance.

But... noot for long. Hillary remembered the Donald problem. FUck this SHit. Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders? who the fuck did these bitches think they were. Two non establishment political opponents this year. Hillary almost found herself missing her previous campaign. Although it's true she lost, Obama was a swag guy. Hot, even. That didn't matter here. She was still going to be President. (There's a million things I haven't done.) Just u wait. (What's your name man?)

 **four months later.**

There was only one solution. Murder. Hillary was going to have to murder Donald Trump's fine ass. The joke had gone on for far too long. This is what led her to sneak into Donald's private hotel room at 3 in the morning. Only, what she found was shocking. There, in the middle of the room, DOnald Turnip was watching hentai. whAT hTe fucc. Donald was surprisngly at ease. Despite the pornographic (not even a great sort of pornographic) material displayed on his laptop screen, he made several new social media posts nonchalantly about how evil the mexians were. ANd how hot his wall will be. mmmm. that wall. Donald had many a wet dream about that wall. A story for another time. Chillary Clinton was not feeling so chill. SHe wass sligjtly naseuos. One could say she was... feeling the bern (Bernie Sanders does not approve of this message, hentai, or Hillary Clinton.) Yes, she had to get out of here.

However, her visit to Donald's hotel room was not in vain. Back at her home Hillary came up with a genius plan. Tomorrow, she would return to his hotel room and film him watching Hentai. Then, she would anonmously release it to the press. His Republican following would be fatally wounded. That same day she'll issue a statement on the appaling content of the anonmyous video. There was nothing stopping her... or was there?

yes s. Hillary Clinton may have been in love. Since when, she could not tell. His orange ass-face, lizard neck, and corn wisp hair all endeared her and made her feel something in that cold chill(ary) heart of hers. She had to make a decision... taking out trump or... persuing the love of her life.

 **the next day**

Bernie fucking Sanders was reallly pissing Hillary off. She was on her way to confess her lvoe to Donald Trump when she passed Bernie Sanders on the street. Unfortunately, Bernie was no fool. He knew where Donald Trump lived, and he took note of how Hillary seemed to be beelining straight there. So, he trailed her. Burlap Sandman was going to expose the truth to the people. This was a political revolution funded by the people, not the billionaires. Like DOnald. He was a rich man. A meanie weenie man. Bernie was getting heated just thinking about it. When Bernstein Salmon returned to reality he realised he was at the entrance of Trump Towers. SO. he was right. his suspicions were confirmed. Hillary Clinton had a dark secret, and he knew what it was. He only needed proof...Hillary CLinton was getting under the table funds from Donald Trump. This is what it was. Bernie was sure. So when Bernie entered Trump's hotel room, what was shocked to find Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump in tears. It was a sight for the ages. The tear streaks on Donald's face painted white lines down his face where his spray tan had worn off from the excessive crying. His eyes were puffy, making him look like he was squinting at the sun. One could compare him to poorly cooked sweet potatoes that have been thrown across the room by a spoiled 6 year old child. One could also compare Hillary Clinton to that 6 year old child, for she HAd thrown Donald acorss the room. Well, not his physical form. but his feels. THats rigjt. Dickbald Tearstain had feelings at one time. But they were taken by none other than Heely Kleenex. and thrown. as i have said. redundantly. Bernie was confused. y was this sad giant orange dick crying? bernie bet it was because of wall street. Wall street made him cry sometimes.

 **hillary pov, three minutes earlier**

"donald duck i luv u more than barack obama loves joe biden

"impossible... it cant be...they r 2 gay. ur love could not possibly be as strong as theirs." said dingle dong toot toot

"but

its true."

said hilarity clorox. she touched his face. it was orange. like a carrot. carrots were important to hillary. THey should be important to you too. Carrots are important for your health. donald cried. senpai had noticed him!11!1!1!11!111!

but what came next made him gaspp

"but we cnanot b toether 4ever"

then the door flung open... BURNING SANDMAN ENTERED THE ROOM11!1! donald and hilarity knew of his brilliance. he would surely know what to do. But... could they trust him with this dilemna?

what was going to happen for hillary and donald?... to be continued


	2. The Alliance

Bernie Sanders had been witness to many atrocities over the years. (Many of them being put into action via the billionaire class. FUckk the BIllionAire class. thought bernie.) He had served his constituents well, in his opinion. His many years of service to the American people had instilled in him a superior decision making ability. But this? Bernie didn't know what to do. Here, in the caverns of darkness (Trump Towers,) two great sins (Hilarity Clorox and Diddle Dong Tink Tink) had come together to form a union that rendered Bernie speechless. TWO rich people... TOGETehre.. in POLitics... did the american peopele... knWO baout this? The billionare class... the Walton family... ddi they conspirrre together to create this monstrosity? Only in his darkest nightmares did he dream that two rich ass bitches from seperate parties could join together to form a union capable of stripping the working people of their little remaining rights... He had to take control of the situation.. and fast.

"Dawnold Trump and Hilawlry Clentin. Would you mind informing me what the nature of this meeting is?" Hilarity Clorox gazed at carrot dick's eyes. She spoke gently...with sincerity. Aaron Burr (whoops lmao def meant Hillary Clinton) knew this is what her career was leading up to. The harmonious union between two great political powers. In this moment she understood that she had to trust Bernie's fine democratic-socialist ass. (maybe she would hit that later, in an AU.)

"tru love." Bernie Sanders threw up. That's right folks. Right there in the middle of Peel's floor. What was going through the Vermont Senator's head? Well kids, imagine this. Hilarity Clorox and Dont Trip having the sexiis. Picture it. Really focus on that image. Diddly Ding Tinkle Toot's orange, snake skin body, without clothing. Imagine his sly smile as he got off to the thought of raising taxes on the middle class to support the Billionaire agenda. The super PAC's. hte.. pharmaceutical companies.. they would all laugh with joy as they witnessed the creation of the Anti Christ. Together, Fascist Leader Trump and Modern Day Democratic-Republican Clinton would be unstoppable. NO... bernie could not let this happen.

"I have to report you to the press. This will not serve the American People." He turned to exit the room, eyes glinting with a time old wisdom, determined in his quest to stop these forces of evil.

"WAIt!11!11!11!" Aged-sunburnt-turtle man reached towards the American Dumbledore as a proposal Bernie could not possibly refuse came to his head.

"What could you possibly have left to say?" Bernie paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob. It was made of gold. Donald Trump was a rich man. It disgusted Bernie. I fact, he considered throwing up on the floor once more just to spite his ass full of money. Oh, how he wanted to. Maybe after the Sun's orange Dick finished speaking. Yes, he decided. Then he would throw up on this fancy imported rug in protest to Donald's immense wealth. HAH! Bernie congratulated himself. He loved serving the people.

"Consider... an alliance. With our hold on the Media, and strong unwavering supporters, we could take down all sorts of evil... " Trump did not mention what type of evils. Probably something to do with Mexicans. Maybe women. The gays. DESPICABLE THINGS in the eyes of Trump. (Donald Trump does not approve of the use of the word Despicable for it reminded him too heavily of the movie 'Despicable Me' which features small yellow minions that too often remind him of his own yellow tinged body parts. Too often has he been compared to them in terms of unwanted annoyance. He looked into the mirror at night sometimes and pouted at his reflection. "I am a handsome boi... not like the minions at all." Trump cried.)

"What kinds of evils...?" Bernie was salivating at the thought of taking down wall street and the Billionaire class once and for all. His beautiful democratic-socialists eyes shimmered in the light. He imagined bending Hillbilly Colgate and Doolittle Trumpets to his agenda for the people. Yes... YEs. THis was danker than the dankest memes.

Meanwhile, Donald was panicking. What kind of evils? Bernie liked the Mexicans,,, and even... the Radical Gay Feminists (see page 76, paragraph three, sentence three of "Outsider in the White House," by Bernie Sanders for evidence. ) What was he going to say? THinK ya handsome big boy... what did man hate! Well, he knew Ted Cruz hated communists. So did that mean hate Ted Cruz? Probs lmao idgaf anyway.

"Like... Ted Cruz" Just then Donald remembered that the NRA also hated Bernie. so he added, "and... the NRA." Donald was so proud of himself. He was so intelligent. So sexy. He was gonna fuck himself tonight.

Bernie considered his offer. The NRA and Ted Cruz, out of this picture? That would certainly be a good start.

"I accept. However, we will not conspire with the Billionaies,,, or Wall Street,,, or the Pharmaceutical Industry. Lookin at u Aaron Burr, whoops, Hillary Clinton." (Bernie Sanders was a smart man. He knew a lot about History. It's kind of a turn on.)

This was hard for Donald to accept. He knew though, that for love (and hentai,) this is how it would have to be.

" . FUCKKKkC i lLovoe MOney SO MCUCHCHCH! but I love u more Hilarity... and Hentai too." Hilarity Clorox swooned. Bernie Sanders caught her and promptly threw up. He was allergic to bad politics. As a result, he let go of Hilarity and she cut her head on the (expensive af) dresser to the right of the door Bernie had been standing by.

"WhaT THE Fyuck TF!111!111!111!1!111! " said Donald. That was his waifu for laifu.

"whoopsies." said burning sandman. He was secretly proud of himself. This was for the American people.

"I will only forgive you if u let us call our squad the Order of the Hentai." Burning Sandman considered this. He was not anime garbage like Donald Trump. He was an aesthetic hoe. He was also sometimes into pastel goth culture. But never had he sunk to that level of garbage (wish i could say the same lmao lmao. ) Overall, he thought that he could allow Donald to get off to whatever kink he had for Hentai as long as he got to fulfill his life long fantasy of taking down the people keeping America behind.

" **I accept**."

A gust of cold wind swept the room from the nearby open window. The lights flickered. A powerful Order had just formed. One that the World would be unable to stop. Hilarity Clorox finally stood up from her fainting spell. Burning Sandman and Dingle Ding Tinkle Toot gasped. There was a cut on Hilarity's forehead in the shape of a lightening bolt. One that would surely scar...

Fin to Chapter Two of Hilarity Clorox and the Order of the Hentai


End file.
